Dear Moses,

I am very happy that you have learned to use the dog door. However I would really like it if you would follow Pilgrim's example and remember a few things.

DOG door: This means it is YOUR door. You can go in or out of it 24/7.  This means you no longer need to open any of the other doors, ever.  I do not enjoy coming home to flies and a 500 degree house.  While I'm sure you feel sorry for Jelly Legs not being able to get through the dog door, he is safer inside.

INSIDE things:  these are things that should either stay inside or be brought back in.  Things on the counters are mine.  Just because I left the skillet soaking in the sink does not entitle you to get it out and take it outside.  It is however clean now.  Bones & Toys: they do not do well in the FL humidity.  Even when you bury them I find them, when they mold I throw them away.  I also do not enjoy picking 45 dirty soggy dog toys out of the yard on a daily basis.

GARBAGE:  Just because you can open the door then the can & hold it open while you dig around does not mean you should.  I do not enjoy picking up above toys, wrappers, empty cat food cans and other various things out of the yard.  Add the beer bottle you somehow got out there today and I'm sure the new neighbors will be impressed.  It also does not look good just in case the city actually listens to the email I sent.

HOLES:  Just because you have all day on occasion to dig, please don't.  You are not often home alone.  You go on daily adventures to work.  You have an air conditioned house, your own van & several dog beds.  You do not need to live in a cave like a wolf.  While I appreciate your ability to dig a hole a family of sumo wrestles can live in in a matter of hours, I do not enjoy falling in them.  You may have the one on the back side of the porch. Please no more. Our yard is small. Plus your new one has some plastic bag sticking out of the bottom & I don't want to know what is in it.

NOISE:  We have great neighbors.  They do not say a word about the symphony of dog barks that would outdo a highschool band.  They think you only bark to warn them of strangers. Please lets leave it at that.  Just because there is a dog door does not mean you can go outside and bark at the new neighbors at 2am.  If you continue to wake me up in the middle of the night I will have to either kill you or the new neighbors.  I like you and the new neighbor is hot so lets see if we can just go back to sleeping through the boogy man.

Maybe once you get this down we can work on the amount of drool you fling on the walls....

Love,
Mom